"Best In Singapore & Johor... Some Say Batam"
"Best In Singapore & Johor... Some Say Batam"
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[ No. 0011 ]
Now you know why he's a millionaire
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?
[ No. 0012 ]
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out andslaps the man's face.
"What did you do that for?" the man asks.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?"
The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"
[ No. 0013 ]
What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!
[ No. 0014 ]
Two doctors....
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts.
As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it.
After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon".
She confirms and asks how he knew. "Easy, you're always washing your hands."
She then says, "I bet you're an anesthesiologist."
Male doctor: "Wow, how did you guess?"
Female doctor: "I didn't feel a thing."
[ No. 0015 ]
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that ... uh ... that uh..... thingie
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
There go the lights again...
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys.. and this guy's got two of'em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
What's this doing here?
I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
Sterile, shcmedle. The floor's clean, right?
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
[ No. 0016 ]
Monkey Joke
There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back. The weather was very hot and so he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.
A few hours later, he woke up by some sounds. The next thing he realised was that all his hats was gone.
Then he heard some monkeys sound on top of the tree and so he looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The hat-seller sits down and think of how he can get the hats down. He think and think and start scratching his head.
The next moment, he realised that the monkeys were doing the same action.
Next, he took down his own hat and fan himself and the monkeys do exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and throw it on the floor and the monkeys do that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey thing from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, very hot, took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. Again, when he woke up, he realised that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realised that the monkeys had taken all his hats.
Remember what his grandfather had told him,he start scratching his head and the monkeys follows. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still hold on to all the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grap the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said
"You think only you have grandfather meh........"
[ No. 0017 ]
The Parrot
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.
She went to the owner of the store and asked how much the bird cost.
The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She told the owner that she still wanted the bird. The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit, shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad." A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned from school.
When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, "New house, new madam,new whores." The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but than began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the woman's husband, George, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new whores ... same old faces. Hi George!"
[ No. 0018 ]
Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your bunden.
Boy : It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl : Well that's because we aren't married yet.
[ No. 0019 ]
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim!!..."
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..."
...and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
[ No. 0020 ]
Today, the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occured at aproximately 8:42 pm last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going, and going, "pinkie," as he was known to his freinds and relatives, was alone at his death.
An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner Dura cell concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had installed Mr. Bunny's batteries backwards; and he kept coming, and coming, and coming...
